post five

its cold, really cold. snow has put a stop to pretty much everything. buses off, motorway closed and there aint even a lot of snow!! trying to be positive as as i can be,actually i would rather it snow than rain.on the plus side, plan b's new single "love goes down" is cheering me up no end. he's got such a great voice, love that song. still without a girlfriend but hopefully not for long. tired of living back with mom, love her, but for me its not great.need to move forward. just thought about the list i made in october and not one thing has been done mainly due to the old spondoolicks. money makes the world go round......no shit sherlock.

post four

screen is blurry, no not on the piss again but upset. need to give louis a big hug and a kiss and i cant. feel ill still and finding it very hard to deal with having louis for such a short space of time and then giving him back. need to tell him i love him and make sure he is ok and i cant. shit. tears stinging my face got to get some rest but already know that im gonna struggle to coz i know im such a let down in many ways.people say couldnt u have stuck it out for the kid? well it was always going to end up like this so no probably not. and i feel such a failure not being able to pay for nursery which he needs so badly. i feel guilty going for a pint on occasions but shit i have got burdens that drive me to drink and sudden urges to do non constructive things like drink, smoke, gamble and party hard. wish to god the house would sell just for a bit of closure. all gone quiet on the divorce front so everything is yet again at a standstill. took a book to work today but i was kidding myself that i was gonna read it. as if i can feasibly take a book entitled "porno" into work and sit there muse like while certain colleagues wonder and actually ask me in some cases what im reading as their gazes set firmly on the cover picture........a blow up doll with her mouth gaping open lol!! need to get my shit together.

post three

well im shattered, another week in a mind numbing, spirit crushing, corporate cock sucking job that i hate,and to cap it all louis didnt sleep last night, pissed his self sodden wet right the way thru at about 330 am and i think he had slept too much before he was dropped off coz he was acting like he was on speed at 4 am lol. really need a cigarette and cant coz im skint as fook.what do u do with a mischievious 19 month old boy when you dont drive and youve got no money? cant play ALL day. dilemmas aplenty. be nice later for louis to see his grandpa.wonder whether cousin luca will be around? lets hope villa stuff the baggies today!! god knows we need 3 points. playing like a bag of shit just lately.

post two

hungover after last nights festivities with all the gang up town. drank far too much but when i party i party hard. nice to see everyone having a good time, bit of a shame that we got separated into two groups when we left sun on the hill. random events afterwards tho with the two girls from norwich and their mates and the disjointed "journey home"lol. good times. just had a nice chat with dad and he thought i would probably swear in my blog post so here goes dad, just for you, CUNT! FUCK! SHIT! and finally BASTARD! pmsl.

post one

well here goes nothing, a way to expand/start to re-explore my own mind and document my lifestyle rehabilitation or as someone just said "re-ascension". who knows where this will lead but it has got to be more productive than sitting chatting on facebook to people who sometimes i couldnt care less about. apparently blogging is addictive, well jack me up and call me renton ha!